07-21-2019 05:44 pdt

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Shades of Ashley

Part Three

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"I ignored the call.

We ventured out into town in search of quiet comfort and coffee, after which some shopping was on tap to ensure Rachel's needs being away from home. The entire affair was surreal to the point of feeling as if I had run away and was making some sort of fresh start in a new locale. My life was on hold yet again as the desire to be free and in the warmth of a woman's embrace led my common sense astray. The whole idea was just crazy. A look at her and I was pulled from everything. Her number, a meeting, and there we were a short time later all eyes and hands. Oy.

We finished strolling around gathering necessities and returned to the suite. Lots of conversation ensued as Rachel wished to know of why I decided to ask that first question. I conveyed clearly of the issues I had been through along with the satisfying feelings I needed so badly from one day to the next. Over a period of many years, things built up in my head and caused all manner of trouble living day-to-day life. Work, vacations, home... Everything took a back seat to the desires within and the intense feeling of dread each morning. Running was all I had, making the time between those warm situations very difficult with which to deal. Understanding did not exist. Caring? Some. I spoke to no one save for the hellish time years earlier when I was interrupted and others intervened. Upon finding the drive and resources to get the fuck out of town and dash toward hope, I did just that. The idea of taking such an insane detour from my usual routine was simply too much to pass on. I needed it, and I needed the embrace.

After discussing our lives in even greater detail, we relaxed and enjoyed coffee and quiet. Rachel's eyes were a combination of passion and trepidation so I did my best to ease her mind by assuring her that no matter what we did, she would be returned to her home immediately if she so desired. By taking that step she seemed to sink into the day and again her face told me that the worry was minimal. As much as I had hoped and dreamed of diving into her clothing, I made no comment nor forward move in such a direction. I could not.

By midday we had somewhat of an understanding and insight into each other and the feeling was wonderful. I still could not pull my head completely out of the idea of being somewhere I should not, and that slight worry remained in the background effectively rendering me unable to completely break free of responsibilities. Rachel had nothing going on -- not even work -- and seemed to be much more into our little getaway. Her age also meant that our levels of security were vastly different. I could not just let go and dive. Home was there in the background, pushing me. Work, too. And the flight. And the lack of communication. And money. Ugh. I decided the best thing to do, and partially at the request of Rachel, was to let others know that I took a little powder in order to focus upon myself for a couple of days as life was pressing me. A few messages later, some harsh but understanding words, and my head finally felt relief as to being so far away. I was far outside the world we had created for ourselves and to make others aware of my need helped tremendously. The only downside was all of the desire to be intimate with Rachel flew away, leaving me comfortable yet slightly distraught as to where I was with her. Longer we spoke with hands softly together, and longer I began to feel my way of life was going to eventually hurt others. There was no other way in my mind. Inevitable, difficult, waiting.

Rachel wished to walk the property and enjoy some sunshine after being holed up for a good portion of the day. She looked so fucking beautiful that I nearly faltered upon gazing at her face and form. Every now and then one hand slid across her rear and I received a smile. Still my head would not go further. I wanted and needed to make sure that girl was comfortable. None of the passionate speaking came back that afternoon. None. I quickly calculated that the next day would be my return and I separated myself from the idea of sex. We enjoyed the walk for quite some time.

And then things changed.


Rachel softly whispered into my ear of her desire to shower together and my head ceased all processes. The wondrous thought of being with such beauty all nude in the water drove me insane, and after less than a day from when she handed me her name and number. I could barely contain myself and the pressure went up immediately. No shit. I was reminded of the way the doll embraced me so intimately and quickly years earlier in Vegas, and in her own apartment. Hmm... Take Rachel to Vegas? That would have caused a never-ending flowchart with all arrows pointing to shit. But the thought was there nonetheless. Her eyes were soft and welcoming. We returned to the room with my brain so fucked up after deciding that to just be together there in that suite was enough. I had thought of a nice dinner someplace dim and quiet followed by sleeping together nice and warm. Nope. The day's direction seemed no longer under my control. Rachel took my hand and led me to the bath where she proceeded to undress both of us one step at a time. Her lingerie was blue, lacy, and tiny. So much wonder covered in very little material. My eyes wandered south to her lovely bra, and at the same time her eyes expressed to me that she wanted me to look.

'Please. Tell me you like what you see.'
'You are beautiful, my dear. Head to toe.'

Smile. Shyness still, but a smile too.

And yes, the girl was unbelievable. Her midsection was lined with muscle and revealed the bridge of my dreams. I placed my hands on her little waist and nearly faltered from the knowledge that we were isolated and outside our respective worlds. Eyes back to hers, haphazard breathing, and my hands around and up her back. Rachel immediately pressed her loveliness against me and held on tight. Moments saw us standing still and holding on until she whispered in the softest voice that she was very nervous. Oh boy, so was I, and sensed that my age and experience were offset by her having the opposite. Slow. No pushing. Just tenderness. And as much as I had to dive, I decided that her comfort had to come first. I stayed away from the hook of her bra and went back to that waist as I felt my pressure contacting her thigh. Shit. I had no wish to make Rachel uncomfortable so I suggested that we shower separately and then spend time talking. She looked down and agreed, took my face and kissed me deeply. Out of my mind? Fuck yes. Willing to cease such a direction? Fuck yes. I backed away slightly and gestured toward the shower with a smile. Rachel placed a hand to her lips, sighed, and smiled back with nervous anticipation flowing from her lovely, bright eyes.

'One thing first please.'

Rachel pulled at my shorts and squatted to place her eyes right in front of my desire. Gentle fingers traced my shape -- driving me insane -- after which she stood and replaced my clothing. She thanked me for being patient, dropped another kiss to my cheek, and then floored me by quickly losing her beautiful bra. Holy shit, up and away, prominent, smooth, and looking at me as if I needed to sustain myself with contact. I stared, looked back to her face, and left her to shower.

I heard the water begin to flow and realized that Rachel was treading an unknown pathway. As the gravity of such a thought sunk in, my discomfort grew dramatically. The girl was in her mid twenties and had been very closed off for nearly all of her life. And then there we are, away from everyone, and alone in a hotel suite. Her intention may have been sex, or it may not, but one thing was certain in my brain... I could not do that. Oh I could gaze and be lightly affectionate, however going further seemed very wrong. If Rachel really wished to dive all the way in, much discussion would need to take place first. And then the thought of her body in the hot water. Oy. Right there.

'Come in here.'


Fuck me in a jetway... I dropped the shorts and stepped toward the bath. Door open, a smile on her face, and in. God damn fucking hell. Soapy hands immediately caressed me and I nearly lost my head. Rachel handed me the bar of fragrant soap, effectively inviting me to do the same. My goodness, could I refrain from pushing too far? My hands slowly glided all over her as I made a concerted effort to avoid breasts and anything south other than her soft thighs. Rarely had I seen such beauty in front of me so keeping myself from diving was not easy. Her skin was incredibly soft and smooth. Ashley's young form popped into my head and I pictured her all wrapped around me with big puppy eyes and hands to my face. The pressure and desire were completely over the top. I had to remain as calm as possible and think about the circumstances of being there with that girl. Her feelings were pushed to the head of the line, but the soapy hands felt like nothing else on earth. Jesus, what a situation in that hotel room.

'Am I driving you crazy? I'm sorry.'
'In a good way, you doll.'

Rachel's sweet eyes were huge with emotion and I saw no worry, only nervousness. Still I left the situation under her control. Had I been much younger the idea of holding back may have been difficult, but in the present I was patient and understanding. Add to that my own hesitation due to being in an odd place and having severed my trip home to be with a woman (yet again), and the patience became more than enough for me to relax and try to understand her desire to be there with me. Kentucky, hotel suite, nude, and in the shower together after meeting a short time earlier. Wow. I had not gone outside my stable life for years and the actions being held back for that period seemed to amplify and enable the rash choices. Seeing Rachel in the restaurant pushed me into wishing to be close, and then things snowballed from there. By the time I stretched for her phone number the idea had grown so dramatically that the blinders of the past became fused to my head again. I focused myself upon being alone with her and made it happen.

Tickling, tracing fingers. Lips. Satan on my shoulder.

Rachel's eyes were wide with wonder and anticipation. My head would not let go of the idea that she had not been with anyone, and having mixed that with seeing her right before my eyes and seemingly available to me began to take its toll. I had to stop us and think. And speak with her. No sooner did I make the decision to leave the shower when Rachel's attention changed from fingers to lips. My God, she did not hesitate, but simply lowered herself with rear end dramatically sticking out and back arched. Insanity. At that point I realized that she was leading where she desired. I stood and watched with my brain being wrung out like a rag soaked with uncertainty. Forward. I pulled Rachel up and reciprocated, diving gently into her lower body as if I was swallowing wine for the first time after crossing the desert. She snatched the valve handle, stopped the water, and pulled me toward the bedroom. We flopped and kissed as if the earth was about to explode.

The phone again. Fuck me. Stop.

Rachel asked if I needed a few minutes -- which I did, badly -- and soft eyes told me that I need not worry about her if we slowed for a while. I felt that familiar discomfort in my stomach which began below, and having had the last surgery less than three years earlier the memory pushed against me enjoying Rachel's gentle attention. What a dream. And the phone knotted me pretty badly too. Ding. The screen came up and I saw words... 'Where the fuck are you?' Chrissakes. I turned to see Rachel and her big eyes on one side with only a sheet between my eyes and the heroin. Breasts right there like fresh fruit. God damn fuck. I had to deal with my lack of communication so I apologized to Rachel. She replied with a smile and blew me a kiss. Standing there nude and wet I sent more bullshit through the network than I had since that insane dash to Juliette six years earlier. Familiar concern washed over me for a time before I could clear my head enough to formulate a plan. Kentucky. No flight home. Rental car. On a Sunday night. And right there was the girl lying and waiting with soft skin and wet hair. Jesus.

Back to the bed.


Rachel stayed on her side as I slid in to lie against her nakedness. Immediate pressure, all the way. I held tight to her smooth back with arms wrapped and one breast in each hand. She held me tightly and kissed my arms as if we had been meant to be there together. The caressing continued for a while until Rachel took the initiative and began to position herself backwards to stare and touch again. I went out of my mind until a squeeze amplified the pain and caused me to flinch badly. I rolled away from her and clutched my stomach. No more of that. With the beginning of tears in my eyes I asked that she be gentle when going further, to which she apologized and stated that she did not think her grip was very tight. Pressure erased.

'I'm sorry. Are you gonna be ok?'
'In time.'

Rachel held my face and looked as if she did something terrible. I relayed some of the reasoning behind my condition and that effectively turned on the water works. We stopped everything as I spoke. Disappointment built up inside me as my desire to have her in every way vanished. My discomfort remained steady and all I could do was lie there and hold her. I was reminded of similar events changing the mood between myself and another throughout the course of years. I did nothing. Rachel held me and apologized profusely and asked why. So, just like during so many occasions in the past, I went through the entire tale from my early years on up to the last treatment. She cried. I waited. Eventually Rachel calmed, gave me a teary kiss on the lips and we drifted off wrapped like a pretzel.


Morning arrived and I found myself disoriented but feeling physically improved. It went away, just as always. Rachel was against my back and the feeling of her warmth and scent reminded me of Ashley. Again I felt desire to have her but did not wish to disturb such lovely slumber. I stared at the window wondering the degree of horseshit I needed to create after derailing my plan to fly home. I gave no one any outward sign that my life needed a break, nor did I communicate my needs to my partner. I just dropped the return flight and focused upon the adorable Amish girl whom I had met and stretched just a day earlier. Monday. Others were at work and I was miles away, hidden and concerned. Upon feeling the girl stir and rub against me, the pressure returned. Visions of the past with Juliette caressing me and crying swirled through my head and I began to fall off a cliff. That woman became so emotional that she stared and mumbled words of love and could not steel herself enough to think of sex.

And no matter the physical anticipation being pressed by that young girl lying nude and up against me, still my head could not relax enough to initiate anything. The Juliette period brought up enough worry that the pressure began to diminish in favor of depression. All the excitement in our contact and meeting was falling away. Rachel stirred again, breasts on my skin, causing a tennis match inside. And then she pulled at me to lie back and started slathering my neck with soft lips while running fingers gently along my thigh. Oy God. Though my head was having trouble, still the response to Rachel's loving affection was not uncommon. I returned it, began to pull myself out of the din, and expressed to her that if she was ok with us being there together, the hesitation would cease. Rachel's big, glassy eyes closed and she wrapped herself around me.

'I need you.'


There it went. In no way was I going to move forward. Rachel looked as if she was out of the house for the first time in years. I could not push. We laid there a long while with her hands tight to me and the pressure went away. Unbelievable. Even her scent did not move me to ravage that girl. The feeling of being so close was overwhelmingly warm and comforting, so I pulled at the covers and drowned myself into her beautiful embrace. Off to sleep again while feeling her soft heroin on my leg. God.

An hour later and I awakened against Rachel's smooth back with all of me pressed to her little rear. Immediately I wished to do as I pleased but thought better to simply let her be. One arm was under her neck and the other around her thin midsection. I needed to caress and eventually my brain let go and I slid both hands to cup her. Fucking hell. That caused a stir and squirm, after which Rachel turned and planted her lips. The pressure was over the fucking top and that was it. I expressed to her that I needed to get out of the bed and dressed. Nope. She pushed me and dropped herself atop -- backwards -- and for what felt an eternity we enjoyed the warmth and passion. The girl was smooth without a strand of hair below her eyebrows. I dove, she writhed, she plunged, I dreamed. Orgasms as she stayed put a long while.


I had no idea how far she wished to go, so I said nothing and again let her go wherever the desire led. Upon rolling over, Rachel mouthed that she wanted to see me happy with her affection. That drove me nuts, so I remained still as she did what she pleased until that approaching slingshot caused that familiar fucking pain and we ceased. Fuck. Years of wondering if I could be ok had taken their toll on my mind, leaving me next to that beautiful young woman in a heap. Done. Rachel in tears and lying wrapped to my legs as I reeled from the experience. She was so sweet and understanding that I was able to relax and speak quietly about making her happy. The conversation went on for quite some time as my body ceased its difficulty. As we discussed her desire to run out of town, I learned that her life at home was rife with worry over her ever being content while there. The Amish past had jaded her mind to the point of needing closeness and intimacy from someone as sensitive as herself. Rachel stated clearly that she hit the jackpot when we left together. Wow, what a girl. Still she wanted to please me, so I asked to stare at her in various positions. She agreed immediately and her willingness shoved Ashley into my head with force.

Moments. Into the sin. I felt like a wolf in need of everything. Orgasms. Writhing. Pressure. Pain. Stop. Fuck me in a shopping bag, there could be no more.

Difficulty. Pain. Longing.

Where was I?"